I whole-heartedly agree about making things ghosts. Your juggling metaphor makes total sense. What so many people just don't realize is that these things only have the power that we give them. By talking about it, rather than trying to hide from it, we're empowering ourselves and disempowering the pain.
Like I said, the bear hasn't been dogging me a great deal for a while now. Not like he used to. He used to be my constant companion, but now I can't even really count him a monthly visitor. Maybe seasonal, at best. And since I've cut off a lot of negative influences, I hardly hear from him at all. I can't say I miss him a bit.
At the same time, though, I've been on an incline lately, as far as mood and temperament have been concerned. Whereas I can let myself sink into the depression and wallow without getting stuck or drowning so much, I know I can't let myself just run with the mania that pulls at me sometimes. I have far less control over that. I can easily get carried away and wound up. But if I let it go too far, I know there will be a nasty crash to follow. It's the reason I've mostly stopped having and going to parties. The high energy just shoots me up so high I feel like I'm vibrating.
So I work hard on trying to maintain an even keel and not letting myself get over-stimulated. I've only really started to recognize these things for what they are in the past year at the most. I used to just run myself ragged, living in the midst of this whirlwind I created for myself. Always going going going with people running in and out of my life. It was exhausting. Now that I've calmed all that shit down, I feel better than I have my whole damn life. :)
I do miss it sometimes, though, so I'll have like mini-manic periods but I'm pretty good about knowing when to shut it down before I get too wrapped up in it again. Then I have to follow those with almost completely inert weekends. I guess it's just all about balance.
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Date: 2010-10-05 01:37 pm (UTC)Like I said, the bear hasn't been dogging me a great deal for a while now. Not like he used to. He used to be my constant companion, but now I can't even really count him a monthly visitor. Maybe seasonal, at best. And since I've cut off a lot of negative influences, I hardly hear from him at all. I can't say I miss him a bit.
At the same time, though, I've been on an incline lately, as far as mood and temperament have been concerned. Whereas I can let myself sink into the depression and wallow without getting stuck or drowning so much, I know I can't let myself just run with the mania that pulls at me sometimes. I have far less control over that. I can easily get carried away and wound up. But if I let it go too far, I know there will be a nasty crash to follow. It's the reason I've mostly stopped having and going to parties. The high energy just shoots me up so high I feel like I'm vibrating.
So I work hard on trying to maintain an even keel and not letting myself get over-stimulated. I've only really started to recognize these things for what they are in the past year at the most. I used to just run myself ragged, living in the midst of this whirlwind I created for myself. Always going going going with people running in and out of my life. It was exhausting. Now that I've calmed all that shit down, I feel better than I have my whole damn life. :)
I do miss it sometimes, though, so I'll have like mini-manic periods but I'm pretty good about knowing when to shut it down before I get too wrapped up in it again. Then I have to follow those with almost completely inert weekends. I guess it's just all about balance.