yes_that_tonya: (Default)
Is that song mashup a thing? Because if not, it totally needs to be. I need a theme song.

Hello LJ, old friend. It's me again. I've been seriously considering rekindling our relationship and right now is as good a time as any. What brings me to your door is a desire to post for inquisitive minds some details and recaps of my new job. For the past few weeks, I have been working from home as a PSO (phone sex operator). I had talked about doing it several years ago, and even got hired, but just never actually did it. These will be copied directly from my FetLife journal and posted here.

I may update with other things as well. We'll see how that goes. :)

My bear

Oct. 4th, 2010 11:23 pm
yes_that_tonya: (Default)
I know I am still way behind on the 30-day meme, but I'm not here to tackle that right now. Right now I want to talk about my bear. I've made reference to this before, but I'm not sure I've ever spelled it out directly. This post has been cobbled together from a series of text messages I sent to someone special on Friday.

Sometimes I can be... Very emotionally unavailable. To say the least. And it turns toward everyone, regardless of how much I love them. It doesn't last for long, usually. I can bring myself out of it, but it can suck in the meantime. See... I am VERY EXTREMELY empathetic to everyone and everything around me. Sometimes I just have to shut it off and shut down for a while. I normally ooze emotion because I feed on the atmosphere around me. It's like air to me. I am probably also bipolar or something along those lines. I should probably be on medication but I can't handle the numbness, it makes me a total zombie. The last time I was on anti-depressants, I didn't feel anything at all. I couldn't even make myself get out of bed. I didn't care about anything. So I self-manage (not to be confused with self-medicate, which I don't do). I know the things that trigger a bad state and I can avoid them or at least be aware so I can prepare an/or prevent. Have you ever seen or read Misery by Stephen King? It doesn't matter if you haven't, I have an anecdotal reference. There is a scene where the antagonist, Annie Wilkes, tells the protagonist, Paul Sheldon, that it was one of her "low" days and it's better for him if she just stays away until she is better. I'm not usually so bad, but sometimes it can get a bit dark and I just have to stay in it a for a little while instead of fighting it. The result is that it stays away just a little bit longer.

There's another SK story that's (probably unknowingly) the best analogy for it that I've ever seen and I recognized it as soon as I read it: The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon. [SPOILER ALERT if you haven't read the book!!!] It's about a 9-year-old girl named Trisha who's on a hike in the woods with her mom and little brother in the woods of Maine. She steps off the path to go pee and instead of going back out the way she went in, she wants to try to head them off at the pass and gets lost as a result. She's lost for like 15-22 days or something, I can't remember. The whole time she's in the woods, she is being stalked by this bear that she thinks is a monster. Sometimes the bear is practically right at her heels, breathing down her neck. Sometimes it's so quiet and far away that she almost forgets about it. But it's always there. Sometimes she taunts it and calls it and tries to bring it out in the open. My depression/issues/whatever is just like that. Just prior to her rescue at the end, she is confronted by the bear and is forced to realize it's not a monster after all. Recognizing something and naming it does a lot to remove the fear.

My bear doesn't bother me a whole lot these days. I guess he's found other pursuits. I felt his presence on Friday, though, which is what prompted me to share this with my doll. I guess the events of Saturday afternoon made him lunge for me. I didn't run this time, just looked him in the face for all that he is. it's not so scary for me anymore. I don't usually feel like I'm going to be swallowed whole or ripped to shreds. I feel strong and he's just not as strong as me right now, so I always win the stand-offs. That's why he doesn't come around much anymore. But I know... the very minute I am weak... he will be back with a vengeance.
yes_that_tonya: (Default)
The Bottom Line

Face it.

Nobody owes you a living.

What you achieve or fail to achieve in your lifetime is directly related to what you do or fail to do.

No one chooses his/her parents or childhood but you can choose your own direction.

Everyone has problems and obstacles to overcome but that, too, is relative to each individual.

Nothing is carved in stone.

You can change anything in your life if you want to badly enough.

Excuses are for losers. Those who take responsibility for their actions are the real winners in life.

Winners meet life's challenges head on knowing there are no guarantees and give it all they've got.

It's never too late or too early to begin.

Time plays no favorites and will pass whether you act or not.

Take control of your life.

Dare to dream and take risks.

If you aren't willing to work for your goals, don't expect others to.

Believe in Yourself!

- Author Unknown
yes_that_tonya: (Default)
If you can't vote early, at least make sure you vote!

Sample ballots were mailed out last week, please be sure to review them before you go! If you didn't get one, you can review one and other ballot information at the Duval County Supervisor of Elections website. We have several proposed constitutional amendments up for vote including the Florida Marriage Protection Amendment:

A new section for Article I is hereby created to add the following:

Inasmuch as marriage is the legal union of only one man and one woman as husband and wife, no other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized.]

So please be sure to review those as well.

Edit (after voting): Also, if you plan on voting a straight party ticket, make sure you make your presidential selection FIRST! In some states, making a straight ticket vote does not include the presidential candidates and I'm not sure if Florida is one of those. The ballots are bubble ballots like the ones for standardized tests, and you cannot vote a straight party ticket at all. You make individual selections for everything. [I didn't get my sample ballot, so I didn't know until after I voted.]

You must have a valid photo ID in order to vote, and you can vote anywhere, regardless of your registered precinct.


General Election Early Voting
October 20 - November 2, 2008
Monday - Friday from 10:00 A.M. - 6:00 P.M.
Saturday - Sunday from 1:00 P.M. - 5:00 P.M.

105 East Monroe Street
Jacksonville , Florida 32202

5200-2 Norwood Avenue
Jacksonville , Florida 32208

7973 Old Middleburg Rd S
Jacksonville , Florida 32222

600 3rd Street
Neptune Beach , Florida 32266

Bradham Brooks Northwest
1755 Edgewood Ave W
Jacksonville , Florida 32208

1826 Dunn Avenue
Jacksonville , Florida 32218

3330 Kori Road
Jacksonville , Florida 32255

Murray Hill
918 Edgewood Ave S
Jacksonville , Florida 32205

Pablo Creek
13295 Beach Blvd
Jacksonville , Florida 32246

9900 Regency Square Boulevard
Jacksonville , Florida 32225

12125 San Jose Boulevard
Jacksonville , Florida 32223

10599 Deerwood Park Boulevard
Jacksonville , Florida 32256

University Park
3435 Univ Blvd N
Jacksonville , Florida 32277

6887 103rd Street
Jacksonville , Florida 32210

1425 Chaffee Road South
Jacksonville , Florida 32221
yes_that_tonya: (Default)
An update has been in order since Monday, but I've just been so busy that I haven't been able to get it done.

OMFG... I have the most amazing, wonderful friends in the world. They are really more than I can ask for personally. But the way you guys have come through for someone almost all of you don't even know... It's so completely overwhelming.

My friend sends her sincere, heartfelt thanks, and her tears of happiness and gratitude. She's cried so much lately that I'm going to forget what she looks like with dry eyes! But at least she is smiling through these tears. The children are also very appreciative as well.

However, my loves, we are not quite done yet. At this time we have raised the $1250 needed to put the deposit down on the house, so the sign is out of the yard and the owner is holding it for her. Now we need to raise the $1250 necessary for her to actually get the keys and move in and actually take possession of the house. I'm really hoping that we can do this by the end of the month. Please help me do this. Any amount counts toward the goal, every little bit helps. We gladly accept however much you can give. Thank you all so much.

There has been some concern expressed about getting her "out of the frying pan and into the fire," i.e. that she won't be able to stay on her feet and afford things once she's in the new place. Please let me reassure you: She does in fact have good, steady income. She was making really good money and things were sailing along very well. But then a series of events knocked it all down like a run of dominos: she was stiffed for a $1000 contract and then first one car and then the other broke down, one of which had to be fixed so that he could continue to get to work on the other side of town. Imagine having $1500 yanked out from underneath you, and how hard that would be to recover from. We all live in a house of cards and this could happen to any of us. So they have been trying to catch back up for the past year, and have been barely scraping by. Then the final blow was when he just walked away and abandoned them. Imagine knowing that any day they are going to come and tell you that you have to leave the home you worked hard for and there was nothing you could do about it. Or that he is going to return to the house and make your life miserable. Or come over and kick the door in to get some things left behind and threaten your family, but the police said that they're nothing they can do about it because it's his house and they only suggest that she works on getting out as soon as possible. She is trying, but it takes a lot of money all at once to be able to up and move like that. How many of us, who can pay our bills on time each month, would be able to come up with $2500 at a drop of a hat?

No, they were not his children, and (to address another question) no, they were not legally married. But he was the only father the children had ever really known and they were together for 12 solid years. Again, they were the perfect couple. Unfortunately with Florida being neither a Common Law nor a Community Property state, she does not have any legal recourse. And thus we have her situation. She was served foreclosure papers this past weekend. She knew time was very short, however she has no hope to fix things with the mortgage company and, as her name is not on the house, it would not be in her best interest to do so anyway. He went from, "I'm going to transfer you some money and still try to help out," to "I know you think I have a responsibility and obligation to you and YOUR kids, but you're wrong. Don't fuck with me or I'll put you out on the street." Oh, and he did finally bring her car back... ragged out and needing a new engine. She can't even crank it and keep it running for more than 5 minutes. The timing belt broke and he drove it anyway, thus destroying the engine. And he refuses to sign it over to her, although it's now worthless to him AND he has since bought a new car. But eventually she can get a new car.

So that's where we stand now. She has put down the deposit. Now she just needs the money to move in and she will be free from him and this situation.

Again, thanks for everything that everyone has done thus far. It means more to me than I can say. I love you guys.

yes_that_tonya: (tears of blood)
First, let me thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm going to put it right out there and say that this is a plea for donations. Not for me, but for a very close friend of mine who desperately needs your help. I am trying to raise $2,500, $1250 of which I need ASAP. I know times are very tough for everyone right now and I would never ask this for myself. Any amount gets us toward our goal, every dollar counts. So let me go ahead and put this up:

Now, PLEASE take the time to read her story, and if you feel so inclined, pass it along to anybody you feel would be willing to help: )
yes_that_tonya: (tears of a clown)
First, let me thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm going to put it right out there and say that this is a plea for donations. Not for me, but for a very close friend of mine who desperately needs your help. I am trying to raise $2,500, $1250 of which I need ASAP. I know times are very tough for everyone right now and I would never ask this for myself. Any amount gets us toward our goal, every dollar counts. So let me go ahead and put this up:

Now, PLEASE take the time to read her story, and if you feel so inclined, pass it along to anybody you feel would be willing to help: )
yes_that_tonya: (Default)
Due to recent events, I am now Friends Only: past, present and future. I've also made an flist cut. If you notice that you're gone, I'm sorry. It wasn't really personal. I'm just minimizing the potential damage. I've always been very trusting and totally put myself out there, and now because of one fucked-up crazy bitch that I used to consider a close friend, I'm not able to do that anymore. Lesson learned the hard way. You know what they say about one bad apple.

If you feel that you have been excluded unfairly, let me know and it may be reconsidered. Otherwise... peace, love and cheese crackers, I'm out.
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